I’m single, but during the second lockdown I fell back in touch with my friend’s ex-boyfriend, who I’d always got on very well with. I was sad to lose contact with him after the break-up, but unsurprised as I figured he just wanted to move on with his life. But then he contacted me out of the blue, years later, to see how I was doing. We ended up agreeing that he would visit me for a proper catch-up.
One thing led to another, and we ended up sleeping together. Since then, we’ve been messaging fairly regularly and while it’s very early days, I think we do have feelings for each other. There’s been an indication from both sides that we’d like to meet up again but we haven’t made any definite arrangement. There are other complications that could get in the way of anything serious happening, but my biggest concern is how my friend might react to finding out.
While it’s been years (as far as I know) since they’ve spoken and they’ve definitely both moved on with their lives in major ways, I know her well enough to think she could take it badly. I’m concerned that telling her now, before me and him have even talked about whether we want to take this further, could create unnecessary upset – but not telling her (and then seeing him again) would feel like lying to her. What should I do?